2 Live Crew "If You Believe in Having Sex"

"If You Believe in Having Sex" Part I

If you believe in having sex, say “Hell yeah!” (Hell yeah!)

If you believe in having sex, say “Hell fuck yeah!” (Hell fuck yeah!)

When I say “S,” you say “E!” When I say “X,” you say “Sex!”

S! (E!) X! (Sex!) Let’s go!

If you perchance believe in intercoursing, declare “Goodness yes!” (Goodness yes!)

Furthermore, if you believe in intercoursing,

Declare now “Goodness gracious yes!” (Goodness gracious yes!)

And when I allege the nineteenth letter “S,”

Please respond with the fifth of that selfsame alphabet: “E!”

Moreover, when I say the 22^nd letter “X,”

I’d be gladdened to hear you say the word “Sex.”

S! (E!) X! (Sex!) Let us go!

Do the ladies run this mothafucka? (Hell yeah!)

Do the fellas run this mothafucka? (Hell yeah!)

Do the ladies run this mothafucka? (Hell fuck yeah!)

Do the fellas run this motha? (Hell fuck yeah!)

Might I inquire: do the gentlewomen participate in this maternal fornicator? (Hades yes!)

Also: do the fellows participate in the realized Oedipus? (Hades yes!)

Again: Do the gentlewomen participate in this maternal fornicator? (Hades procreate yes!)

And finally: Do the fellows run this mother? (Hades procreate yes as well!)

All hoes! (Suck dick!) All niggas! (Eat pussy!)

All hoes! (Drink dick!) All niggas! (Eat pussy!)

Bulldaggers! (Fuck pussy!) All faggots! (Suck dick!)

Bulldaggers! (Fuck pussy!) All faggots! (Drink dick!)

Every moll! (Fellates!) All African-American men! (Perform cunnilingus!)

Every doxy! (Fellates extensively!) All African-American men! (Perform cunnilingus!)

Lesbians! (Enter vaginas!) All homosexuals! (Inhale phalluses!)

Lesbians! (Enter vaginas!) All homosexuals! (Consume penises!)

"If You Believe in Having Sex" Part II

Now, now, hold on, hold on, fellas. I wanna know all the fellas out there

Who gon’ get some pussy. All right? I want y’all to repeat after me.

At the present moment, stay! Restrain yourself, chums!

I wish to hear tell from every one of the gentlemen in the vicinity

Who are going to be copulating before the evening transpires. Is that acceptable?

If you wouldn’t mind, I would prefer if all of you reiterated the following:

Say “I’m gon’ get some pus-sy!” (I’m gon’ get some pus-sy!)

Say “I’m gon’ get some pus-sy!” (I’m gon’ get some pus-sy!)

“I am going to sink my member in a willing receptacle!” (repeated)

“I am going to behoove myself of the feminine canal!” (repeated)

Now ladies, I want y’all to repeat after me, if y’all got somethin’ to say

To these niggas out here. All right, ladies? Y’all ready to do this, ladies?

Now, to equalize this very shouting match: ladies, I wish for you to now repeat my statements—That is, if you all have a retort to the brassy fellows who just sounded off!

Do you understand, maidens? Are you all prepared for the following:

Say “You ain’t gettin no pus-sy!” (You ain’t gettin no pus-sy!)

“’Cause you ain’t got no money!” (’Cause you ain’t got no mon-ey!)

Say “You ain’t gettin no pus-sy!” (You ain’t gettin no pus-sy!)

“’Cause you ain’t got no money!” (’Cause you ain’t got no mon-ey!)

“You are not entering me!” (repeated) “Because you lack capital!” (repeated)

“You are not entering me!” (repeated) “Because you lack capital!” (repeated)

Oh shit! Oh shit! These women gettin loose on y’all fellas. But hold on, fellas,

We gon’ get these women, all right? I got somethin for y’all to say.

Oh, excrement! Excrement! (Watch me now, playing the Devil’s advocate!)

These women are being forthright with you fellows!

But rest assured, you ganders and drakes: We will counter with an even more caustic jape!

Now, I have another round for all of you to repeat:

“Take your crabby ass home, bitch!” (Take your crabby ass home, bitch!)

Let me hear you say: “Take your crabby ass home, bitch!” (Take your crabby ass home, bitch!)

“Relocate your pubic-lice–infested bottoms to your home, hedgewhore!” (repeated)

May I please hear you say:

“Relocate your pubic-lice–infested bottoms to your home, hedgewhore!” (repeated)

All the ladies say, “Eat my pussy! Eat, eat my pus-sy!” (Eat my pussy! Eat, eat my pus-sy!)

All the ladies say, “Eat my pussy! Eat, eat my pus-sy!” (Eat my pussy! Eat, eat my pus-sy!)

All of the lasses state, “Perform cunnilingus upon me! Let your lips join my own!” (repeated)

All of the lasses state, “Perform cunnilingus upon me! Let your lips join my own!” (repeated)

"If You Believe in Having Sex" Part III

Okay, okay, I-I-I can’t forget about my white-boy friends at the depot.

“Fuckin’ A, dudes, you wanna get your cock sucked? Repeat after me!”

Very well, very well, I must not forget about my Caucasian allies at the depot.

(In their nasal, miserable cadence): “Indeed, chaps, would you enjoy being fellated?

Then follow my lead!”:

“Suck my cock and I’ll eat your pussy!” (Suck my cock and I’ll eat your pussy!)

“You guys say, ‘Suck my cock and I’ll eat your pussy!’

(Suck my cock and I’ll eat yourr pussy!)

“Fellate me and I’ll perform cunnilingus upon you!” (repeated)

“You chaps say, ‘Suckle my member and I shall answer likewise on your genitals!’ (repeated)

Now I know why everybody like havin sex

More than they like doin anything else in the whole world.

Okay fellas, I wanna know what y’all like about havin sex.

Understand, I am aware of why everyone enjoys intercoursing

To a degree greater than they enjoy doing any other activity.

Therefore, fellows, I would like to be informed of what you personally enjoy about copulation.

Is it less filling? (No, it tastes great!) Is it less filling? (No, it tastes great!)

Does it sate you incompletely? (Au contraire: It tastes great!)

Does it fill to less than your capacity? (No, sir! It’s scrumptious!)

Now ladies, I wanna know what all y’all fine-ass ladies like about havin sex.

All right, ladies, y’all gon’ tell me? Y’all gon’ tell me? Okay, y’all tell me.

And secondly: ladies! I wish to know what you callipygous ladies enjoy about relations.

Fair ladies, pardon me! Might you inform me? Might you? Ah yes, you will now tell me.

Does it taste great? (No, it’s less filling!) Does it taste great? (No, it’s less filling!)

Does it taste great? (No, it fills less!)

Does it tickle your tongues? (Conversely, it provides lesser sustenance!)

Less filling! (Tastes great!) etc!

It does not surfeit one’s stomach! (Though it excites one’s taste buds!)

(repeated ad infinitum)